Self Reflection: What it is and how to do it

The new year is a time of reflection. For some people this comes at the end of each year, beginning of the new year, or possibly on their birthdays. But many people don’t use the art of self-reflection in the best way that they can. I have a list of a few things that can help get your started on personal self-reflection.

What is Self Reflection and Why You Should Do It

Self reflection can mean something different to just about everybody, but in general it is the art of looking back on a specific situation, instance, or area of one’s personal life in order to learn from mistakes, grow, and understand on a deeper level why certain things happened or how it could have been handled in a different way.

Personal self-reflection is often a difficult thing to do. It often makes us go face to face with parts of our personalities or our reactions to situations that aren’t our best. It forces us to come to terms with triggers, traumas, and past experiences that often may be painful or difficult to handle.

Not all self reflection is scary. Sometimes self reflection can be a celebration of what you’ve overcome and accomplished. It can help you to realize what you are capable of and how much you have to offer the world.

I find self reflection an important tool for my growth as a person, especially during this stage of my life. There is so much to look back upon but still so much learning and growing to do.

Questions to Ask for Self Reflection

I have come up with a list of questions to ask yourself about the past year, the patterns you have seen and want to change, and the upcoming year ahead.

These questions can be looked at once a year, once a month, or whenever you’re looking for some help with self reflection. I invite you to take a good, hard look at your life more than once a year. You’ll get a lot more out of your life experience if you’re more conscious about what you’re creating as you go along.

These questions are also designed to help you to reflect upon completing the year and to formulate the new year from a clean slate. Although these are broad questions, when I work with a coaching client one on one or in my membership group, the KJ Inner Circle, I get more specific or tailored to the individual.

Because it isn’t unusual for people to flounder or stay stuck year after year on the same issues, I thought this following list of questions would be powerful so you can have the room to build a new “me” for the new year. Grab a pen and a notebook and go through the questions below and get ready to set some new intentions for yourself!

Note: Okay, so the way that this works is that for at least a week or two you ask yourself the above questions. I write them down and do it in writing several different times. Some days we get more clarity than others. I know when I have set down to do something like this I get locked up and my brain kinda freezes because I feel like I have to think of it all then I begin overthinking the whole thing! Then I just push the project away because it feels overwhelming. So give yourself some time on different days over the next week or two to write down your responses to these questions.

Looking at this past year

1. What do I want to celebrate for 2022?

2. What did I accomplish? What do I feel good about from the previous year?

3. What did I want to accomplish that I did not accomplish? (Do I still want to do this?) It’s ok to change your mind and it not be something you want to bring forward at this time.

4. What did I say I would do that I didn’t do? (Do I still want to do this?)

5. Who do I want to be in communication with?

6. What were my biggest disappointments or mistakes last year?

7. What risks did I take last year?

8. What did I learn? – List 3 lessons which will make the most difference if you remember them this year? These lessons can be used as guidelines as you move forward.

***Realize how much you have learned from each of the items in #6 & #7. Write down what some of those taught you. This is GOLD!

Changing patterns

1. How do you think you limit yourself? How can you transform these actions to be powerful?

2. What do you say to yourself to explain your failures? (These false beliefs are your limiting paradigm).

3. Now write down what you are telling yourself as this false paradigm-limiting belief you are telling yourself.

4. Now reframe it….LIst your NEW paradigm which must be personal, positive, present tense, powerfully and simply stated, pointing to an exciting future.

5. Read your new paradigm out loud when you awake and before going to sleep each day. Teach your subconscious that this is your paradigm. Feel as if it already exists.

Looking ahead

1. What are your personal values? What is most important to you in your life? What drives you?

2. What roles do you play in your life? Rate each role on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most important.

3. Where is your life out of balance? If you could put one problem behind you, once and for all, what would it be? (what is taking a bunch of your energy to not address it? Maybe it is what totally exhausts you and drains your mental/physical energy.)

4. Of all your roles, which role is your major focus for next year? ( In what role do you want a breakthrough performance? If you could put a check mark by one of these roles at the end of next year showing, showing that you felt good about how you are playing that role, which one would it be?)

5. What are your goals for each role?

Then after doing that for all of the above questions you answer one final question:

What do I want to accomplish, create, experience in the coming year?

Who do I want to be in the coming year?

There is no right or wrong answer. Simply tune in to your heart and quite voice within. Listen intently. This exercise will help you get some clarity and direction in creating your year ahead. The next step to to take action, intention and energy into becoming more of what you want to be.