Stop Taking It Personally: How to Free Yourself from Stress & Self-Created Suffering

We’ve all been there—an offhand comment from a boss or colleague makes your stomach churn. You start replaying it in your mind, wondering what it really meant. But what if I told you the key to reducing this stress lies in not taking things personally?

In this post, we’ll explore how taking things personally can create unnecessary emotional strain, how you can break that habit, and why detaching your self-worth from external opinions is essential for your well-being.

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Why We Take Things Personally

At the core of taking things personally is often a sense of insecurity. When we hear feedback or criticism, we sometimes filter it through the lens of self-doubt, assuming that it’s an attack on who we are. But the truth is, most of the time, it’s not personal at all.

In many everyday situations—whether at work, home, or in social settings—feedback is a normal part of communication. The key to handling it without spiraling into self-doubt is to detach yourself from external validation. By doing this, you’ll realize that your self-worth isn’t tied to the opinions of others, but rooted in your own beliefs and actions.

Feedback vs. Personal Attack

Let’s break this down with an example. Your manager says, “Your report was unclear; I couldn’t follow your main point.” That’s feedback. It’s specific and related to a task, not you as a person. The goal here is to improve the quality of your work, not to diminish your value.

Now, imagine your manager says, “I don’t think you’re capable of handling this project.” This feels more like a personal attack—it crosses the line into judgment about your competence or worth as a person.

In both cases, though, the key is to remain calm and focused on the facts. Even when something feels personal, it’s important to step back and ask yourself, “What’s the core message here, and what can I learn from it?” This mindset allows you to grow from feedback without internalizing it as a reflection of your value. And if it does feel like an attack, last week’s episode shared tools and strategies for handling situations where feedback crosses into unfair or hurtful territory.

How to Stop Taking It Personally

RELATED: Your Flourishing Toolkit for Handling Insults, Grief, and Rejection

So, how do you stop taking things personally? It begins with recognizing that you are in control of your feelings. Someone else’s words can only hurt you if you give them that power. Here are a few practical tips:

1. Create Emotional Distance – When you receive feedback, especially in a professional setting, give yourself a moment to process before reacting. Ask yourself, “Is this about me, or is this about the work?” Shifting your focus from the personal to the practical can reduce the emotional weight.
2. Separate Fact from Emotion – If you get feedback that triggers an emotional response, take a step back. For example, if your colleague criticizes your presentation, focus on the specific areas they mentioned, such as clarity or structure, rather than assuming they don’t like you.
3. Don’t Tie Your Worth to Outcomes – We often attach our self-worth to how well we perform or how others perceive us. This is a dangerous trap. Instead, recognize that whether a project succeeds or fails, you remain the same. One outcome doesn’t define your abilities or value.

Everyday Examples: From Work to Home

This mindset shift doesn’t just apply to the office. Think about the times a friend canceled plans at the last minute, or your partner made a critical comment about how you do the dishes. Did you immediately take it personally? When we step back and understand that everyone has their own issues and motives—often unrelated to us—it becomes easier to let go of these little frustrations.

By deciding not to take these moments personally, you free yourself from the burden of overanalyzing every interaction. You can approach life with more confidence and peace, knowing that not everything is a reflection of who you are.

Feedback is a Gift

One of the most transformative lessons I’ve learned is to view feedback as a gift. Whether it’s positive or negative, constructive feedback provides valuable insights into how others perceive your work. Instead of allowing it to fuel insecurity, use it as an opportunity for growth.

When you adopt this perspective, feedback no longer feels like an attack, but rather a tool for improvement. This shift in mindset takes time, but once you master it, you’ll find that feedback no longer rattles you the way it once did.

Moving Forward with Less Stress

When you stop taking things personally, you free up so much mental space that was previously occupied by stress and worry. Suddenly, those critical comments don’t feel as heavy. Instead of letting them drag you down, you can filter through them for the wisdom that’s useful and discard the rest.

Embrace the idea that your worth is not determined by external circumstances—whether it’s a project’s outcome, a boss’s critique, or a friend’s offhand remark. You have the power to decide what you internalize and how you react.